I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
