I'm lost and stupid without you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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