I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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