I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
