Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
