she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i love accidental penises.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
