I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize