Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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