the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
