i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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