All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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