I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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