I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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