i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
