What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Houston, we have a squirter
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
