Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
