My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
