How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
