This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
