a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
