Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize