david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
