theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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