I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
