Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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