After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
