Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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