apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
