i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
