Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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