i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
