Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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