You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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