If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
