Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
