When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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