Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
