I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
