My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
3pm strippers are depressing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
