Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
