We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
