He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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