My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
