I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
