i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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