he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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