i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
