so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
