Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize