the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
