I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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