Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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