Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
