you guys were way drunker than both of me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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