i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who died my cat blue again?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize