i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
