Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
