Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize