i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
