I wanna bring you to show and tell
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
